Help me

Every night I always think about the gloomy past. When I remembered all that, my tears flowed uncontrollably, crying silently was very painful. But it wasn't long before I laughed, well I laughed at a bad state. I've tried to make peace with the past but why every time remember it will only give pain? I've even tried to commit suicide but thankfully I didn't lose my mind. house.. what is it like? I always feel useless there.